Poem to my Stepdad

Losing a loved one is never easy

This was my contribution to my stepfather’s obituary…

You took me in your arms from the gentle age of 2
Sugar is what you always asked for, giving the same in return
At 5 you made the promise permanent, “I will always love you”
Crumbs require a lot of attention, we would soon learn

We had our share of ups and downs
My teenage years were rough to say the least
It was a time of many frowns
You never stopped caring, even when I acted like a beast

“Gimme some sugar,” you would say to me
“Okaaaay,” was my reluctant reply
With a kiss on the cheek you were pleased as could be
You’d plant a huge one on mine in the blink of an eye

We may not have always agreed
Or seen eye to eye, but you were there
Whenever I was in need

You were many things to many people
A husband, a father, a brother, a friend
The impact you made is something remarkable
To this little girl, you were simply a my dad

Kimberly a.k.a. “Crumb Cakes”


Science of Tears

It’s funny how tears work. Slicing an onion, uncontrollable laughter, loss, anger, joy, happiness, and sorrow all bring tears. Sure, many other emotions and factors cause us to cry as well. Consider this… Is the thing that makes you begin to cry the same reason you continue to cry?

Last night I watched Steel Magnolias for probably the trillionth time. I know it like the back of my hand. Despite this being a newer version, it was still the same movie. Lifetime remade the movie with an all Black cast. Now, anyone who has seen the original knows that Shelby is going to die. However, knowing this was not enough to keep me from crying. The moment Shelby was put on life support, tears began to well up filling my eyes and blurring my vision. By the end of the movie, I was in full cry mode…tears covering my face, eyes red, even a runny nose.

Despite the reason for my tears and the movie coming to and end, I could not seem to stop. It was as if something had taken over me. Suddenly I could feel something begin to swell inside me. I began to cry even more and uncontrollably. It had been a long time since I have had a good cry. I soon realized the reason for these tears had nothing to do with the movie. As if it just happened yesterday, I felt the pain at the loss of my grandmother followed immediately by the pain of losing my grandfather. It has been almost 13 years since I lost my grandfather and a full 7 since my grandmother. Even as I am writing this, tears are skewing my vision.

I am conveniently reminded that they are not here to share in the milestones of my life and walk with me on my journey. No longer will I be blessed with their wisdom, advice, and love. Only my memories to get me through each day and each hurdle. The simplest things are made exponentially more difficult. Who will walk me down the aisle? From a little girl, it was always my grandfather. He promised me he would.

Now I lay here, drowning in a pool of tears. How did I get here? I was fine 2 hours ago. The movie is over. It is my belief that we can hold on to things for only so long. I try to be strong and not let things affect me. At some point, the emotions and feelings buried deep inside come to the surface. They can either explode like a volcano or pour like gentle rain. Crying purges the soul. It relieves us of our grief and pain. It helps us express extremes emotion, both happy and sad. They are necessary to keep us sane. I welcome my tears and I’m grateful for the release they bring me. I feel lighter. Of course I miss my grandparents very much. The pain does not go away. It only eases and become more bearable.

Today’s moral: Embrace the love of today, cry regularly, and laugh often. Sometimes you have to laugh until you cry; others, you may cry until you laugh.