Betrayal and Death… After the Smoke Clears

 

 

It has been almost five weeks since the bitter betrayal and almost 2 weeks since the passing of my stepfather. You can assume that this has been an emotionally trying month. How do you cry for an entire month? How do you feel upset for an entire month?

Once I got over the initial anger behind the betrayal, an whole new level of anger set in. You could have melted iron with the heat coming from my head and my heart.  Well, I’m over that too. Praise God for growth! Anger moved out and hurt took up residence. Not just any hurt. This clown brought baggage…distrust and resentment. No matter how hard I try, I can’t forget what has been done to me. Every time I see this person I am reminded of their bitter act of betrayal. It still hurts to my core.

As if that were not enough, I got the added bonus of dealing with the unexpected and very sudden death of my 57 year old healthy and able-bodied stepfather. He was strong as an ox. This man never smoked or drank anything a day in his life. He could ride his bike for miles putting me and all my friends to shame. Sure, we didn’t always get along or agree, but what teenage girl in her right mind gets along with her parents? He was my dad when my father wasn’t there, which, in this case was all the time.  I admit, I took for granted that he would always be there and did not take the time to fully appreciate him. Maybe that is why I am having such a difficult time with his passing. He knew how to make you laugh. He knew how to make you happy. He was there when you needed him. He truly loved his family and he showed it.

I am so glad I made amends with him years ago. We were able to forgive for the wrongs of the past and move forward. We never looked back. It was great! My kids loved him and so did I. I admonish you all… make amends while you can, whether you were right or wrong. Mend your relationships while there is still breath in your body. As much as his death hurts, it would hurt worse had I still been harboring ill feelings toward him. I got a few years of truly enjoying his smile and his laughter. Those memories are what get me through the tough moments.

Back to this friend that cut me deep… I was pleasantly surpsrised at the support this person provided when my stepfather passed. Daily they checked on me, reminded me that they were there for me, and showed concern for my well being. They were even at the funeral or home-going service, whichever you prefer. I did not know how I would react to this person trying to hug me. In this moment, I needed my friend, my bff, my ace boon, my confidant, and they were there. My friend embraced me in my tears and would not let go. They held on to me, holding me up while I melted in their arms like butter on a hot stove. That hug…that one particular hug from that one person was more comforting than any other hug I would receive that day. No disrespect to anyone who was there. There was just something about this hug. My friend stayed with me through the interment and repast making sure I was okay. Imagine my astonishment when I was met with an unforeseen, very unexpected, and even more savored surprise later the same day from this friend. After such a long and emotional day, I was so elated to end it on a high note.

There are so many opinions about my situation and the circumstances surrounding the demise of my relationship with my dear friend.  However, the only one that matters is mine. Despite the critics and the nay-sayers, I miss my friend.  You may not understand how I can still befriend this person on any level, much less be civil. That’s fine, you don’t have to understand or even agree.  You may even think me a fool for bothering to entertain this person. That’s fine too. I don’t care what you think. On this day, I needed my friend terribly, and they were there for me. I am thankful for that. I do not know what will happen with me and my friend. Only God knows that. I know that when I needed my friend, they were there.

Forgiveness is for you, not the other person.

And when ye stand praying , forgive , if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25

And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying , I repent ; thou shalt forgive him. Luke 17:4

I may not be ready to run back and accept my friend with open arms. I may not be able to pick up exactly where we left off. What I can do is acknowledge the pain and the hurt; recognize they are human and prone to mistakes; and forgive.

Git Yo Kid!

What the heck happened to “It takes a village to raise a child”? These new fangled young parents don’t want anyone disciplining, chastising, or even gently correcting their kids and they won’t step up and do it. This epidemic does only affect young parents but older naive ones too.

When my kids were 8, I took them to a park in Beverly Hills since we were in the area. There was an adorable little 5-year-old girl there. My daughter played with the little girl for a while. It all stopped when the girl poured sand on my daughter’s head. Five year olds know that throwing sand is not nice or wise, or at least they should. When my daughter approached the little girl’s father to tell him what had happened he shrugged it off. “She’s only 5, she doesn’t know any better.” What the heck!!!! He didn’t even bother correcting his little angel or have her apologize for what she had done. No, she doesn’t know any better… Because YOU don’t bother to teach her!

I do not like going to the store, walking down the aisle, and being blocked by unsupervised children. Kids ought not to be running up and down the aisle, messing with items on the shelves, or yelling inside the store. If any of these things occur, that child’s parents need to immediately snatch that kid up and shake some sense into them.

If your kid is yelling at you, talking back, or being obstinately defiant or disrespectful… Snatch’em up!! Discipline is your friend! Say it with me people… Discipline is your friend.

If you let your kid run loose and they act a fool, don’t be mad or upset when someone like me corrects them. If you or your child want to step all the way outside your mind, I will be happy to meet you there and tell you how to get back. People are too concerned with privacy. You want your neighbors to mind their business and leave your alone but the minute something happens you pray they know something and can offer assistance. You stay out of other’s business and they stay out of yours. What does that prove? It proves that you are both selfish individuals. Growing up if I acted a fool, and Ms. Betty saw me, I was in big trouble. Ms. Betty would get me, then my mama would get me. Nowadays, no one is getting anybody and these kids are rotten because of it.

The kids in my building run around and play from the time they get home from school until almost 9 o’clock at night. It’s amazing how NONE of them ever have homework, dinner, or a curfew. Then you get a parent like me who talks to all the kids as if there were my own. I fuss at little Johnny and Sarah just like I fuss at my twins. No one has said anything to me yet. Maybe it’s because of how I carry myself. Maybe it’s because they are glad someone is correcting their kids because they don’t have the nerve to do it. Whatever the reason, I’m not going to stop. It takes a village to raise a child and I’m going to be the village even if I’m there alone.

I’m tired of these bad kids running around behind their trifling parents. Pick your pants up. I do not want to see your underwear! Put on some clothes little girl…you don’t need to advertise to get attention and that’s not the kind of attention you want anyway. There is no reason your kid should know the words to the latest 2 Chains or Usher song but can’t learn their multiplication lesson. If your kid can recite Beyonce’s entire album and dance moves to her video, and is failing P.E. and English, you need to be slapped. Raise your kids and stop letting your kids raise you. Grow up and grow a spine. Lay down the law and stick to it!

I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this subject. Do you correct or discipline other people’s kids? Do you allow other people to discipline your kids? Does the village still exist or is it and antiquated ideal now?

I Sing Bedtime Songs to My 11 Year Old Twins

In the last month I have lost my best friend because of some foolishness and my stepfather has passed away. To say that I’m sad or emotional would be a gross understatement. Yet, I am finding my joy. My greatest source of joy, outside of God is my children.

God blessed me with 2 lovely bundles of joy at the same time. My son and daughter can make me smile when no one else can. Being a mom is so fulfilling and rewarding. It’s not in the big things or huge accomplishments and milestones, but in the small things and quiet moments that we strengthen out bond.

Tonight, as with most nights, as I sent my kids to bed, they asked if I would tuck them in. I did. It wasn’t enough. They wanted a story too. Since we recently moved, the stories they wanted were still in boxes, so I sang. We have 2 songs that have been passed down. My mom sang them to me and I sing them to my babies. We sing Cotton Fields and the other is a song my mom came up with and we add the kids names when we sing it. Oh how they love to hear mommy singing about having her babies in her arms. My 11 year old, pre-teen, prepubescent middle schoolers still cherish our special time. They smile so big and bright every time I sing to them. It’s as if they are hearing these song for the first time every night. Each smile is a ball of sunshine sent to brighten my day.

Even the bedtime stories are simple. My grandmother bought them a set of fairytale books when they were smaller. These were just Red Riding Hood, Three Little Pigs, Jack and the Beanstalk, Puss in Boots, etc. I have read each story probably dozens of times, among other stories. Does this stop them from wanting to hear them? Nope! They lay there listening attentively and getting into the stories as I read them. As short as they are, by the time I’m done reading them my little angels are relaxed and sleep or well on their way to sleep.

Five minutes of my time comforts my children and gives them peace and security. In return, they give me joy (they also give great massages). It is so important to take time out for our children. It is us as parents who help shape, mold, and build our children into outstanding people. Our bedtime routine is a lasting memory that they will undoubtedly share with their families and so on. I believe I have the greatest kids ever and I am so grateful for the memories we share.

What kind of special moments do you share with your children? What do you do that makes them smile and warms your heart at the same time?

Poem to my Stepdad

Losing a loved one is never easy

This was my contribution to my stepfather’s obituary…

You took me in your arms from the gentle age of 2
Sugar is what you always asked for, giving the same in return
At 5 you made the promise permanent, “I will always love you”
Crumbs require a lot of attention, we would soon learn

We had our share of ups and downs
My teenage years were rough to say the least
It was a time of many frowns
You never stopped caring, even when I acted like a beast

“Gimme some sugar,” you would say to me
“Okaaaay,” was my reluctant reply
With a kiss on the cheek you were pleased as could be
You’d plant a huge one on mine in the blink of an eye

We may not have always agreed
Or seen eye to eye, but you were there
Whenever I was in need

You were many things to many people
A husband, a father, a brother, a friend
The impact you made is something remarkable
To this little girl, you were simply a my dad

Love,
Kimberly a.k.a. “Crumb Cakes”

Save Chocolate!

Daily Prompt
You have three hundred words to justify the existence of your favorite person, place, or thing. Failure to convince will result in it vanishing without a trace. Go!

Chocolate is vital to life on earth! We need it to survive!

Chocolate…

  • Decreases stroke risk
  • Boosts heart health: dark chocolate has inflammation-fighting properties, which reduce cardiovascular risk.
  • Rich in fiber: Because it’s rich in fiber, dark chocolate can actually help keep you full, so you’ll eat less,
  • May fight diabetes: A small Italian study from 2005 found that regularly eating chocolate increases insulin sensitivity, thereby reducing risk for diabetes.
  • Protects your skin: Dark chocolate is actually good for your skin. The type of antioxidants called flavonoids found in dark chocolate offer some protection from UV damage from the sun.
  • Provides relief from coughs: An ingredient in chocolate called theobromine seems to reduce activity of the vagus nerve, the part of the brain that triggers hard-to-shake coughs.
  • Makes you happy
  • Improves the flow of blood: Cocoa has anti-clotting, blood-thinning properties that work in a similar way to aspirin, which can improve blood flow and circulation.
  • Improves eyesight: Because of chocolate’s ability to improve blood flow, in particular to the brain,  chocolate may also increase blood flow to the retina, thereby giving vision a boost.
  • Increases your intelligence: That boost of blood flow to the brain created by cocoa’s flavanols seems to make people feel more awake and alert, and, in a small British study, perform better on counting tasks.

Bottom line…
If you are blind or have poor vision, eat chocolate and you’ll be able to see better. If you’re prone to stroke, diabetes, or heart disease, eat chocolate and you’ll improve your odds. If you’re cranky or have a bad cough, eat chocolate and you’ll feel better.  If you are not that smart, eat some chocolate, you’ll be a genius. If you like hanging out at the beach, eat some chocolate and give your sunscreen a boost.

The Point… Eat More Chocolate!

Source
10 Health Benefits of Chocolatehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/28/chocolate-health-benefits_n_1383372.html