Sorry, this post is not very inspirational. Today, I’m ranting. If you find a lesson or can learn from my pain, then I’m happy.
People come into and out of our lives on a regular basis. Has there been a person enter your life that you thought would be there forever? They became your best friend and closest confidante. You found yourself wanting to hang out with and talk to this person all the time. You have built a great relationship, even spent time with each other’s families. You loved each other, or at least the other claimed to love you, so much nothing could tear you apart. Your love and devotion toward one another has been tried and tested before, but nothing could ever break your bond. Then, out of nowhere…BOOM!!!!
Like a sack of hot coals, it all comes crashing down. This person, your best friend, confidante, has taken a machete, shoved into your back, and twisted all in one movement. The wound is immediately treated with salt and washed with lemons. This tree hugging hippie has betrayed you in a way you never thought possible. You never even thought they were capable of such treachery. What they did makes the Judas kiss look like a frolic in the park. I mean, they committed such duplicitous treason that you cannot even fathom what they have done. Has this ever happened to you?
Well it happened to me. Let me tell you, it has literally turned my world upside down. In the last 24 hours, I have experienced, sadness, gut-wrenching pain, heart ache, deceit, shock, disgust, disappointment, feelings of betrayal, loss, insecurity, anger, disbelief, denial, embarrassment, and an entire array of emotions I am unable to identify or coherently explain. It is as if this person planned a barrage on my heart. Questions, so many questions have entered my mind, some of which I did not have answers for. With so much at stake, all the risks, and everything to lose this nincompoop did it anyway. The one question I do not have a sufficient answer for is, “Why?” How could someone so close to me be so selfish? Yes, stupidity obviously but, really why? Did they not consider for one instant how this would affect you or those around you who have come to rely on our bond? NO! The selfish jerk was only thinking of him/herself. Why am I even bothering to protect this jerk’s identity? Why do I keep the details of the betrayal private despite the significance of the pain and the circumstances behind it? I have no freaking clue!
Pain and hurt do not adequately explain what I am feeling. Oh how I would love to choke the mess out of this quack until their eyes pop out and their tongue flails about. How do I go about getting over this? Forgiveness is for me, not the other person. Honestly, I do not want to forgive. All I can do is cry and pray and my prayers right now are just vocal tears.
God, help me!
I am reminded of 2 scriptures…
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:10
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are troubled. Psalm 6:2
I have been listening to “Can I Lay in Your Arms” by Donald Lawrence all day. I mean it has quite literally been on repeat the entire day.
Cry out to God and seek His comfort. This hurts like the devil!!!!